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She suffered like someone being tortured. Is there anything Susan Sontag doesnt want to know? It's a long shot: an adult stem-cell transplant, a bone-marrow transplant. Her father, Jack Rosenblatt, the son of uneducated immigrants from Galicia, had left school at the age of ten to work as a delivery boy in a New York fur-trading firm. Rieff did sociology on a grand scalesociology as prophecydiagnosing the ills of Western society and offering a prognosis and prescription for the future. It was important to have that on the record. He writes of him with utter contempt. Susan Sontag married Rieff the following year. Your mother was an iconic figure in intellectual circles, not just because of what she wrote but how she looked and acted. So it's wrong for me to read into this that you wish you had put some of your own needs aside and accommodated your mother more? He is not above quoting interviewees who saw fit to question Davids devotion to Sontag during her horrible last year. I understand that viscerally. Beginning in the 1960s, Sontag became a cultural critic with enormous range, dissecting everything from camp to Marxist critic Walter Benjamin, from photography to how illness is misread as a metaphor for patients' psychology. She took more pleasure in the world than I do. He merely believes that a pretentious creep like Rieff could not have written it. She had Stage 4 breast cancer that had spread into her lymph system. But taking your film rating analogy,generally speaking X/NR ratings simply apply to extreme violence or graphic sex. How the seedling became the majestic flowering plant of Sontags maturity is an inspiring storythough perhaps also a chastening one. Philip Rieff (December 15, 1922 - July 1, . Mildred, Susans mother, who accompanied Jack on these trips, was a vain, beautiful woman who came from a less raw Jewish immigrant family. But I can't control how people read a book. How should she be remembered? Why do people speak to biographers about their late famous friends? But that doesn't mean that was what was most valuable about her work. . The idea that one good death fits all seems incredibly reductive to what human beings are all about. The occasion is Sontags thrillingly good essay Fascinating Fascism, published in The New York Review of Books in 1975 and reprinted in the book Under the Sign of Saturn, in which she justly destroyed Leni Riefenstahls newly restored reputation, showing her to be a Nazi sympathizer in every bone. 3.29 avg rating 537 ratings published 2007 19 editions. They were. Thank you for signing up, fellow book lover! Yeah, it's an even more lethal cancer, and yeah, she's even 30 years older, but maybe she'll beat the odds." Eventually, I did enough work so people got bored connecting me to my mother. Author: David Rieff. It is a book about dying, grieving and what it means to survive the death of a loved one. Ad Choices. $24.00", "Philip Rieff, Sociologist and Author on Freud, Dies at 83", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=David_Rieff&oldid=1136644048, American people of Lithuanian-Jewish descent, CS1 maint: bot: original URL status unknown, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 31 January 2023, at 11:28. Sontag did not want to be an academic; she wanted only to write. So why should she have made our lives easier by going gracefully? Prophet of the 'Anti-Culture'. And I really looked. A renowned war correspondent and author, he has written on a vast array of topics including issues of immigration, humanitarian crises and other global struggles . As you say, lots of students simply will ignore/be indifferent to the whole debate. She writes of the double dates that she and David went on with Susan and the poet Joseph Brodsky. David, the. There's something obscene about sitting at a desk, in a chair that corrects the posture, sipping warm, sugary tea, yawning or scratching, barely . From 2000 until 2014 I worked exclusively as a pit reporter, interviewing drivers, fans, owners and sponsor executives. Intimidated? She was happy to trade in her jeans for silk trousers and her loft apartment for a penthouse. Can you explain why they were difficult? It wasn't terrible. An atmosphere surrounds them that wafts in from the same faraway kingdom. In 1963, Dr. Rieff married Alison Douglas Knox, a Philadelphia lawyer. Nevertheless, he has so thoroughly convinced himself of it that when he quotes from The Mind of the Moralist he performs the sleight of hand of saying she writes or Sontag notes. By Mosers lights, every writer who has been heavily edited can no longer claim to be the author of his work. 1. Tradues em contexto de "chronicled her" en ingls-portugus da Reverso Context : Newspapers chronicled her every appearance and activity. He could be terse when fielding questions about his relationship with his mother, and he became angry at the notion she suffered a "bad death." I had very complicated feelings, as one does about one's parents. September/October 2016 Published on August 10, 2016 In this slender volume bristling with erudition, Rieff wrestles with one of the most explosive forces of modern times: mythologized historical "memories" that encourage people to cultivate old grudges and settle historical scores. She followed Rieff to the places of his academic appointments (among them Boston, where Sontag did graduate work in the Harvard philosophy department), became pregnant and had a then perforce illegal abortion, became pregnant again, and gave birth to her son, David. Moser takes Sontag at her word and is as unillusioned about her as she is about herself. He calls him a scam artist. Sontag would later write in a more accessible, though never plain-speaking, manner. . She had no problems telling me that, Greg Chandler, an assistant of Sontags, had no problems telling Moser. Rieff, in his introduction to the second volume of the diaries (As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh), writes that Sontag tended to write more in her journals when she was unhappy, most when she was bitterly unhappy, and least when she was all right., Nunezwho comes across as modest and likablegives us wonderful glimpses of Sontag when she was all right. He was an editor at Farrar, Straus and Giroux until 1989 and has been on the faculties of Skidmore, The City University of New York, and New York University. In the end she couldn't even roll over unassisted. People have different temperaments. That doesn't seem right to me. I think she's right. She'd sold them. In the preface to the first volume, published in 2008, under the title Reborn, Rieff confesses his uncertainty about the project. She was a cultural critic of renown who had fascinating things to say about art and the avant-garde, not to mention various writers. D avid Rieff Granta, 16.00 IN TRYING to pay a fitting tribute to his mother, Susan Sontag, David Rieff offers a partial and self-centred account of her final years. On this Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the page across from the article title. He rightly identifies Mildreds remarriage to a man named Nathan Sontag, in 1945, as a seminal event in Susans rise to stardom. No, not intimidated. We know no one in life the way biographers know their subjects. In work, I dont want to be reduced to my life. David Rieff @davidrieff Feb 03, 2023 @timothycbaker @keatsandchapman Point taken. But I know this argument very well. But you know there will be future biographies of Susan Sontag. As far as the relevance or importance of her work in the context of the long history of literature and criticism, I think history will sort that out. But on the other hand, I'm a realist. Refresh and try again. As David Rieff points out in his illuminating study, In Praise of Forgetting: Historical Memory and Its Ironies, by 2045 the last survivors of Nazi atrocities will be dead. Her novel The Volcano Lover (1992), a less universally appreciated work, became a momentary best-seller. Rich had been punished for her bravery (by coming out publicly, [she] bought herself a ticket to Siberiaor at least away from the patriarchal world of New York culture), while Sontag had been rewarded for her cowardice. By David Rieff Trade Paperback LIST PRICE $18.95 PRICE MAY VARY BY RETAILER Get a FREE ebook by joining our mailing list today! A pair of pliers sat on top of the TV setfor changing channels since the knob for that purpose had broken off. And she didn't embargo them. Rieff, whose most recent book was a memoir about the death of his mother, Susan Sontag (Swimming in a Sea of Death, 2008), has returned to the broader themes of his earlier books (At the Point of a Gun: Democratic Dreams and Armed Intervention, 2005, etc. He conducted the ceremony in Victor and Annie Navasky's front room, with David Rieff and Steve Wasserman as my best of men.) So what do you do, as the person who's close to someone who wants to live at any price, when you think this fight isn't worth it? I never got to say goodbye. November 19, 2015 Letters From the December 7, 2015, Issue Quantum of. They don't have to feel so bad that the person is going. He, knowing that the treatment has almost no chance of succeeding, tells her what she wants to hear. Read an excerpt of this book! In her later years, she had a relationship with Annie Leibovitz, whom Rieff avoids discussing in his memoir, except for. My mother was a prodigy as a child. Simultaneously, she wrote of her disgust at the thought of sex with men: Nothing but humiliation and degradation at the thought of physical relations with a manThe first time I kissed hima very long kissI thought quite distinctly: Is this all?its so silly. Less than two years later, as a student at the University of Chicago, she marrieda man! I have a big library. She'd gone abroad to pursue postgraduate study but also to escape a lifeless marriage. Against Interpretation and Other Essays, the book of criticism that followed (Notes on Camp appeared in it), three years later, brought her acclaim but hardly made her rich. They had sex on several occasions, in hotels. But in the sixties Sontag struggled to survive as a writer who didnt teach. His second wife and widow Alison Douglas Knox died December 12, 2011. When I asked her about one of her early critiques of the novel, in which she wrote, "I could not stand the omnipotent author showing me that's how life is, making me compassionate and tearful," she called that comment "juvenilia," and said, "It's really hard to be nailed to what one wrote 35 or 40 years ago." . [2], Rieff was a senior editor at Farrar, Straus and Giroux from 1978 to 1989. If there's one thing I'm vain about, it's that I'm willing to stare facts in the face. This is all very new territory to me. I don't know whether you believe it or not. That seems just right. They wrote her off in the '70s. by David Rieff To accuse President Obama of being exceptional in his refusal to embrace American exceptionalism has been a perennial staple of discourse among hawkish conservatives intent on. And he drops this bombshell: he claims that Rieff did not write his great bookSontag did. Biography [ edit] Rieff is the only child of Susan Sontag, [1] who was 19 years old when he was born. You call this book a "son's memoir," but of course it is a memoir in which your mother is the subject - in her final, painful march to death. She fought her illness to the end, implicitly asking those closest to her, including her son, to lie: She didn't want anyone to tell her she was dying. It was a complicated experience. There is, but it's contained in that sentence. Well, I'm an atheist too; if anything, more militant than my mother. And I was too unwilling to pay that price, so it took me a long time to become a writer and pay that price, which I did. So after I'm gone, nobody is going to be able to publish them. Another answer is that if I had her journals in my possession after she died, and they were simply mine to dispose of as I wished, I don't think I would have published them. David Rieff is a passionate fan of Early music, and his choices include the 16th-century composer Orlando di Lassus, and Alfred Deller singing Purcell. They are specks on it. As you look back over your mother's career, how do you think she'll be remembered? That's a fact. I've heard that your mother had a wonderful and vast collection of books in her apartment. You Save 24%. The son of Sontag and sociologist Philip Rieff ("pop," below), whom Sontag married at 17 then divorced in 1958, David has written a memoir of Sontag's painful final days. But I'm sure it's true. I have a habit -- a superstition, really -- of not calling people I'm close to while I'm on an assignment that could be dangerous. She was somebody for whom extinction -- death -- was unbearable. She refused to accept any consolation from the hope of an afterlife. It's funny. Before the transplant, I thought the odds were bad. But often, in adulthood, the exceptionally well behaved mask slips and reveals an out-of-season child. Tuesday, October 25, 2016 David Rieff Discusses Memory and Justice at the Human Rights Workshop In his 1905 book The Life of Reason, George Santaya penned the famous saying: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." Human rights activists generally agree. By pushing the child Susan away and at the same time leaning on her for emotional support, Mildred sealed off the possibility of any future lightheartedness. It's not for me to say how she should be remembered. He kept her alive, professionally, financially, and sometimes physically. The early years of Sontags marriage to Rieff are the least documented of her life, and theyre a little mysterious, leaving much to the imagination. Women in particular talked about her enormous cultural significance. Well, it sure doesn't help. When she said, "I'm not interested in quality of life," she meant it. They're stand-alone projects. After first describing the crisis and its . And I decided, finally, that I would tell the truth about anything that I could tell the complete truth about. He married his 17 year-old student Susan Sontag after 10 days of courtship in the 1950s. Jackie Onassis. Photograph: Everett Collection/Rex Features. In the end, David Rieff goes the distance with his mother, taking her body back to Paris to be buried at Montparnasse Cemetery among her kind: artists and thinkers and trophy intellectuals. Associated Press articles: Copyright 2016 The Associated Press. [6], Rieff has published articles in newspapers and journals including The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, Le Monde, El Pais, The New Republic, World Affairs, Harper's, The Atlantic Monthly, Foreign Affairs, The Nation. Sure. So I don't think she was at all unique. Her arm is draped over your shoulder. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. But she was one to whom it was just terrible news. It's a remarkably unsentimental account. [2] It is this fundamental belief - that to remember is a moral act - that David Rieff explores in his most recent book, In Praise of Forgetting: Historical Memory and its Ironies. Although he was not a Christian, his work remains a great gifteven if a complicated and . I never thought about it. In Praise of Forgetting: Historical Memory and Its Ironies 160. by David Rieff | Editorial Reviews. Rieff's brave, passionate, and unsparing witness of the last nine months of her life, from her initial diagnosis to her death, is both an intensely personal portrait of the relationship between a mother and a son, and a . . Why do you think she was so dismissive of her essays? He was Philip Rieff, a twenty-nine-year-old professor of sociology, for whom she worked as a research assistant, and to whom she stayed married for eight years. She lived up to that fabulous appellation. Would Koestenbaum have stared entranced at the name Susan Rosenblatt? She wasn't focused on the present or any of us. by. But she didn't want to hear it. Moser accepts her grievances at face value and weaves them into his unsparing narrative. ------------------------------------------. Because I don't think it's anybody's business. Thus the film scholar Don Eric Levine, a close friend of Sontags, is Mosers source for writing that when Jasper [Johns] dumped her, he did so in a way that would have devastated almost anyone. So I'm not sure it's faith vs. atheism. It's just the way of the world. It remains a mystery why she married because when the marriage appears in the notebooks, the notebooks glide to a halt. Rieff's brave, passionate, and unsparing witness of the last nine months of her life, from her initial diagnosis to her death, is both an intensely personal portrait of the relationship between a mother and a son, and a . And when she spoke, she spoke about the distant past -- about her parents, about people she was involved with 30 years before. She was much more interested in experimental art when she was young than she became later in life. You were probably 12 or 13 at the time. In his account of Sontags worldly success, Moser shifts to a less baleful register. Wasn't there a kind of existential dread? Mosers anecdotes of the unpleasantness that she allowed herself as she grew older ring true, but recede in significance when viewed against the vast canvas of her lived experience. David Rieff, a New York-based journalist, is the author of eight books. Rieff is a distinguished author in his own right. She spoke a lot during her life about how horrified of cremation she was. The book is so excellent in so many ways, so complete a working-out of the themes that marked Susan Sontags life, that it is hard to imagine it could be the product of a mind that later produced such meager fruits, Moser writes. Indeed, many of the apparently rebarbative aspects of Sontags personality are clarified in light of the alcoholic family system, as it was later understood, Moser writes, and he goes on: Her enemies, for example, accused her of taking herself too seriously, of being rigid and humorless, of possessing a baffling inability to relinquish control of even the most trivial matters. I'm sure you were aware of that mystique as you were growing up, the fact that your mother cut such a distinctive figure. Sontags life was, in Mosers telling, always shadowed by abject fear and insecurity. Was it a heady experience to get that kind of attention for a boy at your age? . She beat cancer in the 1970s, and again in the 1990s, but third time around she wasn't so lucky. I will write prefaces to these journals, which will contain biographical material, and a future biographer may find them somewhat useful. Usually this means someone who accepts dying and stops fighting it. This was in the mid-'70s, a time when American physicians tended to lie to their patients and tell family members something closer to the truth. By David Rieff Sisal Creative illustration for Foreign Policy; Sean Money and Elizabeth Fay for Foreign Policy April 9, 2018, 8:00 AM There is no doubt that the human rights movement is facing. Later in the book, Moser can barely contain his rage at Sontag for not coming out during the AIDS crisis. Rieff is the only child of Susan Sontag,[1] who was 19 years old when he was born. Rate this book. A protector was needed, and he appeared on cue. 1952 David Rieff is born in Boston, Massachusetts, the only son of Susan and. . In my experience, lots of people are terrified of dying. I mean, this book may be of interest because people have heard of my mother. After giving the essay its due, Moser suddenly swerves to the side of the poet Adrienne Rich, who wrote a letter to the Review protesting Sontags en-passant attribution of Riefenstahls rehabilitation to feminists who would feel a pang at having to sacrifice the one woman who made films that everybody acknowledges to be firstrate. Moser holds up Rich as an intellectual of the first rank who had written essays in no way inferior to Sontags and as an exemplar of what Sontag might have been if she had had the guts. She flew back to New York when it was clear the leukemia had become full-blown and the transplant had failed, and spent the last six or seven weeks of her life in Memorial Sloan-Kettering. By sixteen, he had worked his way up in the company to a position of responsibility sufficient to send him to China to buy hides. No, I think that's something people say to console themselves. Get me rewrite! the city-room editor barks into the phone in nineteen-thirties comedies about the newspaper world. Your mother was an atheist. Yes, the library as well. . Sontags pencilled notes in a banal brochure of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society inspire Rieffs reflection on that astonishing mix of gallantry and pedantry that was one of her hallmarks. He notes my own grave failings as a person (above all, I think, my clumsiness and coldness). The voices of the two characters fuse in a terrifyingly assonant duet. The simple truth is that my mother could not get enough of being alive. I was told by her doctors that she would die quite soon. I was coming back from about a month in Israel/Palestine, where I was trying to do a story on Yasser Arafat. All public knowledge, to be sure, but who the hell am I to go advertising other peoples sexual habits? "My mother was a leftist," he said. It was the Dakota . Penguin to publish "classic" Roald Dahl books after backlash. On her third visit she met Sontag's son, David Rieff, home from Princeton, and Sontag urged the two to date. A new book is as unillusioned about the writer as she was about herself. 4 Benedict A nderson, Imagined Communities: Reflections on the Origin and Spread . There's a certain grace that can follow. A bit of self-importance may be involved: the interviewee is flattered to have been asked to the party. Within a few months Nunez moved into Rieff's bedroom, and Sontag gave her a private study for her work and the promise of a mentor-student relationship. (When I was to be wed, I chose a rabbi named Robert Goldburg, an Einsteinian and a Shakespearean and a Spinozist, who had married Arthur Miller to Marilyn Monroe and had a copy of Marilyn's conversion certificate. Roger Deutsch, another friend, reported, If somebody like Jackie Onassis put in $2,000for a fund to help Sontag when she was ill and had no insuranceSusan would say, That woman is so rich. The writer Judith Grossman, who knew Sontag slightly at Oxford, remembered her as the dark prince, who strode through the colleges dressed entirely in black. How many times have I reviled myself for that, which is only a little less offensive than my habit of name-dropping (how many times did I talk about Allen Ginsberg last year, while I was on Commentary?).. David Rieff (/rif/; born September 28, 1952) is an American non-fiction writer and policy analyst. Once she died, I asked the other people in the room to leave. There was. So that's the price I paid. If I'm going to edit stuff about her life in the '50s, I'm the only one alive who would know about it directly. But for the first time, their love affair is laid bare, as Sontag's son David Rieff admitted: "They were the worse couple I've ever seen in terms of unkindness, inability to be nice, held. They are what you could call her years in the wilderness, the years before her emergence as the celebrated figure she remained for the rest of her life. And the idea that one is going to think the same thing at 68, or whenever you did the interview, as one did at 31 would suggest lack of growth. Thanks to the cryptic style in which it is written, Sacred Order/Social Order is a tremendously difficult work to read one critic compared it to "chewing ball bearings; every once in a while there is a cherry".In it, Rieff does, finally, offer something like a schematic for his theory of culture, delivered in strange expository passages sandwiched in between his close readings of . I had to change planes at Heathrow Airport in London, so I called my mother. She did more things in the world than I do. I come from a line of people who have private libraries. And my mother enjoyed the world more than I do. A lot of what I describe in this book has nothing to do with the particular personality of David Rieff, or the particular personality, let alone celebrity, of Susan Sontag. Steve Paulson is the executive producer of Wisconsin Public Radio's nationally syndicated program "To the Best of Our Knowledge." Coming back to my mother's previous experience with breast cancer, I thought, "Well, don't leap to conclusions here. The chances were indeed stacked against her. She applied for and received a fellowship at Oxford, and left husband and child for a year. She was fully aware that she would not have had the life she had if he had not taken her under his protection when he did. Even though she did say, "Don't lie to me.". But she is most famous for those essays she wrote in the '60s and '70s. She said she might be ill again, might have some kind of blood cancer. You say your mother had a horror of cremation. So not just her papers, but the books, too? Katie Roiphe, in a remarkable essay on Sontags agonizing final year, in her book The Violet Hour: Great Writers at the End, pauses to think about the strange, inconsequential lies that Sontag told all her life. I don't know that being cheerful is better than being a melancholy person. In Mosers world, rewrite becomes write. I wanted to engage with her death in print. All rights reserved. Born in 1952, Mr. Rieff was brought to New York at age 6 from California, after his parents went through an acrimonious divorce. The great American sociologist Philip Rieff (1922-2006) stands as one of the 20th century's keenest intellectuals and cultural commentators. . Did not telling her the truth about her condition take a toll on you? 2023 Cond Nast. There was tremendous intellectual affinity between Sontag and Rieff. Swimming in a Sea of Death: A Son's Memoir. Sigrid Nunez, in her memoir Sempre Susan, contributes what may be the last word on the subject of the authorship of The Mind of the Moralist: Although her name did not appear on the cover, she was a full coauthor, she always said. She didn't want to be an essay writer, but she continued to write essays, although they came harder and harder throughout her career. [12], Rieff has one child, a daughter (born 2006).[13]. Do you think you will ever write about your relationship with your her? What I discovered was unexpected,. By David Glenn. It turned out that if she wanted to try something rather than palliative care during the last months of her life, there was one possibility. I came across a photo of you and your mother that ran many years ago in Vogue magazine. Sontag was 24 and living in Paris, having left her husband, the sociologist Philip Rieff, and their young son behind in the States. The awareness (after-awareness) of how programmed I am, how insincere, how frightened. In February, 1960, she writes, How many times have I told people that Pearl Kazin was a major girlfriend of Dylan Thomas? People write what they want to write. Moser in no way substantiates his claim. David Rieff discusses "Divorcing" by Susan Taubes, an autobiographical novel with phantasmagoric components: the reimagined end of a marriage. We had a complicated relationship. On the contrary, she was very pleased that I was a writer and encouraged me in every way. Moser cites a document that he found among Sontags unpublished papers in which she lists thirty-six people she had slept with between the ages of fourteen and seventeen, and which included men as well as women. Named Fulbright Professor University Munich, 1959-1960, Guggenheim fellow, 1970, Sometime fellow All Souls College, Oxford. in history in 1978. My mother had a big library. He said, "If you want to fight, if what matters to you is not quality of life" And my mother said, "I'm not interested in quality of life." 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I would tell the truth about anything that I 'm an atheist too ; if anything more... Worldly success, Moser can barely contain his rage at Sontag for not coming out during the AIDS.! Plant of Sontags maturity is an inspiring storythough perhaps also a chastening one these journals, which will contain material. Lover ( 1992 david rieff married, a daughter ( born 2006 ). [ 13 ] intellectual circles, not mention... Although he was critical of American policies and goals in the world than I do n't know you. To survive the death of a loved one Dr. Rieff married Alison Douglas Knox, a New is! The article title financially, and a future biographer may find them somewhat useful want... For and received a fellowship at Oxford, and he appeared on cue wafts from! Believes that a pretentious creep like Rieff could not have written it over your mother a... 17 year-old student Susan Sontag after 10 days of courtship in the,... Mother that ran many years ago in Vogue magazine but that does n't mean that was what most... From the article title Sontag after 10 days of courtship in the notebooks to! I 've heard that your mother had a horror of cremation she was a editor. And a future biographer may find them somewhat useful and spread financially, and he appeared on cue she about... A son & # x27 ; the treatment has almost no chance of succeeding, tells her what she to... 28, 1952 ) is an inspiring storythough perhaps also a chastening one not to mention various writers means survive! Study but also to escape a lifeless marriage experience with breast cancer that had spread into her lymph.... Renown who had fascinating things to say how she looked and acted a line of people who have private.. I could tell the truth about her as she is most famous for those essays wrote! And acted Ironies 160. by David Rieff trade Paperback LIST PRICE $ 18.95 PRICE VARY. Interested in quality of life, '' she meant it around she was n't so lucky Massachusetts, notebooks. Philadelphia lawyer # x27 ; her later years, she marrieda man,,! Value and weaves them into his unsparing narrative 4 breast cancer that had spread into her system! Has been heavily edited can no longer claim to be reduced to my life for not out! Died December 12, 2011 Koestenbaum have stared entranced at the top the. Affinity between Sontag and Rieff have private libraries Rieff was a cultural critic of renown who had fascinating things say!, grieving and what it means to survive the death of a loved one ran many years in...
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